Five things women need to change about themselves


Dear Ladies,

Happy Women’s Day! A lot is said on how men should change for us to respect our women better. Here are some: Men need to see women as people, not objects. Men should realize and truly believe women are as talented, capable as men, and sometimes even more so. Men should not discriminate in the work place or at home. Men have to respect boundaries and make sure their words to not make women feel uncomfortable. Men have to respect women’s choices – in what they wear, where they want to go and at what time. Men should never use force or intimidation towards women.

Yes, we men have to learn. However, the stubborn, fragile and pampered Indian male ego is a tough nut to crack. Collectively, we as Indian men, have a long way to go before our women can be proud of us. We will. At least the process has started.

But in all this well deserved male-bashing, I hope the ladies do not miss out on another set of changes required, on themselves. Yes, for all the talk of women being denied their proper place in society, ladies need to do some self-reflection too.

Hence, on this Women’s day, I shall attempt the unthinkable. As a man, I will venture out and give women advice, on women’s day. That alone is reason enough for me to be bashed to bits. However, every now and then, we men are prone to risk-taking behaviour. So forgive me, for I have dared.

Anyway, here goes. Five things I feel women need to change about themselves, to make things better for their own kind.

The first behaviour that needs to end is the constant desire to judge other women. Women are hard on themselves. They are harder on each other. An overweight woman enters the room. Most women are thinking ‘how fat is she?’ A working mother misses a PTA meeting due to an office deadline, others think ‘what a terrible mother she is’. A girl in a short skirt makes other women go ‘Slut!’ in their heads. A pretty woman’s promotion makes other women wonder what she had been up to to get the job. From an ill-fitting dress to a badly cooked dish, you are ready to judge others. This, despite knowing, you yourselves are not perfect. As a woman, it is tough enough is to survive in a male dominated world. Why be so hard on each other? Can you let each other breathe?

Second, the faking needs to end. A common female trait is the relatively quick adaptation to feed male egos. Laughing at men’s jokes when they aren’t funny, accepting a raw deal in an office assignment or playing dumb to allow a man to feel superior are just a few occasions when you do your own kind no favor. Who are you? And why can’t you be that person? Why are you faking it so much? If something bothers you, say it. What’s the point of collectively harping on equality, when as individuals, you are happy to lapse into being clueless eye flutterers, just to keep men happy?

Three, and this is serious, standing up for your property rights. Plenty of Indian women give up their lawful property rights for their brothers, sons or husbands. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but too many Indian women are emotional fools and need to be told so. You are not demonstrating your eternal selflessness when you give away your property. You are hurting your own kind.

Four, women need to become more ambitious and dream bigger. All young Indians – men and women, should have a fire in their belly. Perhaps the way the Indian society is structured, our women are not encouraged to be as ambitious as men. However, for their own sake and the nation’s sake, all Indian youth must have ambitions and aspirations to do well and reach their maximum potential in life. Many Indian women have done much better than men. Use them as inspiration and work towards your dreams. Your success is what will finally make Indian men respect women. Play your part.

Five, don’t be too trapped in the drama of relationships. Relationships are vital. Being a good mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend and lover are extremely important. However, don’t get too tangled. You have another relationship, with yourself. Don’t sacrifice so much that you lose yourself. Not regularly, but just every now and then, be a little selfish. It is when a woman will assert herself she will be taken seriously. You are not only here to assist others in living their lives. You have your own life too.

I will end here. Hope you will see the point and intention behind what I am talking about. If not, then I am in big trouble. And there’s no recourse to a men’s day to save me either.

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136 Comments

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  1. jagrati says:

    Gd

  2. Rima says:

    Dear Chetan,

    I think, I need to focus on the last one as I am going to loose myself for it as once I was my favourate.
    Thanks anyway.

  3. ushadevi says:

    the above mentioned facts are exactly right.indian males ego is a tough nut to track.

  4. 5 things that u hav stated are actually true…5th is very true..We get tooo trapped in relationships….

  5. Veena says:

    Good article

  6. Preeti jog says:

    Good and eye opening thoughts on our characteristics. We the women are very similar to one another. What you suggested is true for everybody.
    Thanks & Regards,

  7. sunny says:

    Chetan sir,
    I think you should write for a daily soap. For, daily soap reaches and catches attention of Indian women at large.
    I think you should give it a try. You are a hope for THE YOUNG INDIA.

  8. priya says:

    i loved the third one but girls r taught from childhood that they have no right over fathers property…

  9. priya says:

    i loved the third one but the girls r taught from childhood that they have no right over their fathers property..

  10. san says:

    All the 5 points r very true n eye opening….

  11. vikas says:

    lets stop giving advice to any woman may that be indian..

  12. j krushna says:

    men must do that things

  13. chandani says:

    Dear Chetan,

    TO start with, i have been a great fan of your writing specially because your work is for mostly all the age groups. i started writing too however its mostly for me and myself, something that comes into my mind. Your Blog on Women’s Day is very appropriate and has a lot of valid points. Specially because you too feel that every woman should not be harsh on themselves.

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  15. Foxmind says:

    Nice Blog thanks for sharing this blog…

  16. I know it’s way too late to comment on the post..!but better late than never!ofcourse most of the things were obvious n yes! We woman HAVE to change certain things! an eye opener for sure!!

  17. Premila Hirani says:

    Agree

  18. shreedha says:

    I think i have these 4 character except that second one which i never praise anyone fake but i always be scary to say my opinion and hardly dare to say whatever bothers by keeping in mind that it would somebody or shyness something you can say. I need to grow up the skills or courage to speak in front of otheres

  19. Shriya says:

    Thank you so much for reminding us again, to keep up the fight. I found the last three points extremely good. Though, the first two… the message you want to convey is a good one, though they are irrelevant. It has got nothing to do with women in particular. It is more about like the stale psychology of people in general.

    Even after you have shined and polished it, why does it reek of the old sarcastic ‘women-are-devilish’ jokes.

    This is an old post, so I do not expect a reply. Provided also that you did not reply to your praises even…

  20. juile says:

    the above article was actually helpfull sir… thank you for that.. you are my favorite writer’s and I like your thoughts, infact the above one has also helped mee alot and changed my thoughts towards the society we live in.. I would definitely try to become a better person than I was before ….

  21. Abhi says:

    Even if you insist us to do things which will make men to give respect to us, there are some partial stuffs which are soaked in our Indian blood. For example, if a 5-year-old child sees milk packet and newspaper in front of it’s home, it gives milk to mother and newspaper to dad. Who has taught it to do so? We can change the society even more by decreasing male dominants. But we can’t completely change it.

  22. mahi says:

    Truly said

  23. shivangi singh says:

    exactly what womens are’emotional fool’

    • Shriya Bhunje says:

      Sorry? I think I misinterpreted that one. Are you very consciously and deliberately implying women are- as you put it- ’emotional fools’.

  24. Mamta shrivastava says:

    All I have praises for you and thanks for considering women equal to men.your advices are very difficult to follow but not impossible for one who is in search of motive of life and want to achieve in life after all it is one life we have.It is the family pressure which stops women to do things they want.A little support and encouragement can bring change in anybody’s life.It is said that LIFE IS A CHARRIOT AND MAN AND WOMAN ARE TWO WHEELS to run it smoothly both wheels should be equal.

  25. Anup says:

    very true chetan..something which I, as a man always wanted to say..day in and out, in person or in the media, there is a lot of male bashing..but I, as a man have my share of female bashing also to do..agreed, men can be monsters..but I have always felt that the biggest enemies of women are…women themselves. I have observed women at home and in the workplace.,there is no end to the constant bitching, backbiting, politics and plotting that they indulge in..it just destroys a perfectly peaceful environment..so ladies, before you indulge in the next round of male bashing, please remember that women have their own idiosyncracies and have some introspection to do..

  26. Niveditha says:

    If you are like ‘Wow! let me forward this to my girl friends to make them feel good about themselves or give them the moral boost that they so badly need’, that YOU think they need…? Please people stop forwarding it in social media sites to Womanhood in general… This is one of the factors that constitute 87%, why the women, not just in India but around the world are being stressed….
    Chethan Bhai…. Of all people… You…? No….!!!
    You are preaching the wrong gender man… like everybody does… You are talking about the stressed set to get de-stressed, but addressing wrong set of people… remember we are already stressed! So stop stressing us about how to de-stress.
    Please from now on, give Men, in general, any number of suggestions on stress management or for that matter anything on earth.
    First things first, our Mother-in –laws are just like the other gender’s father-in-laws and handling them can be just as little tricky to you as to us but trust me that’s not the biggest problem we face on earth… Global Warming and Inflations are more real to us too….
    Two, please preach the bosses, to stop being biased and let us just be…
    Three, tell the husbands if they feel their wife, mother or daughter-in-law are not good enough, to send them to a hike…. Holidays are good Bro… remembering you are helping us to get de-stressed!
    How about the fourth sermon be preached to men… for a change let us ask them to balance the dual responsibility of family and work when their better HALF is a working woman too… May be earning less but nevertheless always the BETTER PART OF THE HALF! Not to have high expectations that their wives should be like perfect Bahu type from one of those ‘Superficial Saas Bahu’ soaps. And please please., like in pretty please ask them to be satisfied with one dish for lunch and also not to complain about it….
    Your fifth point man… I completely agree. There is no ideal woman in this world, and if you guys are trying to make one out of us, you will get nothing but a stressed woman who trust me can stress you a lot, than you want to be….
    Sarcasm apart. I love Chethan Bhagath’s works and I am worried about the statistics too… But Chethan Bhai its hilarious the ways you were suggesting Women, on how to bring our stress levels down. Your article is just another example how there is no real responsibility or expectation from the male population, the classic response your gender has always displayed when it came to helping the female set is to sit on your lazy ass and preach. Your article is giving the male population a message that 87% of women stressing is not their problem but it just “Women’s problem”, let them deal with it.
    Why cant you suggest that doing house chores doesn’t make them any less of Man than they already are… that its ok to be competitive with other men while cooking a six dabba tiffin for his wife and its ok to live up to their wives expectations of an ideal husband once in a while. And please ask them to stop stressing to prove they are MAN, we don’t care… We just want a husband who says ‘you go back to sleep I’ll see to the crying baby’.
    I am exactly one of the women, about whom this article speaks about… But why it’s always this gender that’s always preached about how to behave? Why I don’t find articles, debates, strangers talking to men how equally it is important that they too have a certain way to behave? I don’t want to be held up with high regards that a woman is being conferred upon and be expected to hold up the unending, tiring expectations of some mind set of how I should be or for that matter women should. I am not a feminist asking for equal rights in here, I am here just to let you know that … you need to cut some slack and just let us be!!!!

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